The art of honest conversations
Handling conflict in productive ways
In the intricate dance of product development, experiencing conflict is inevitable. The question is, how might we best handle a conflict when it occurs? Things can get tricky fast. It's one thing to clash with a team member over the highlight color for a screen’s Call to Action, and quite another to address the underlying tensions that make such conflict volatile and counter-productive.
I’ll venture to say that honest conversations in the workplace are typically avoided. Everyone wants honesty in theory, but few want to be the person who goes there. Yet conflicts in the workplace don’t resolve themselves. Left unaddressed, they’re liable to fester and deliver us bad consequences at some point down the road.
To address conflict, we must be willing to dissect and adjust our own behaviors, then be brave and vulnerable and speak up with honesty.
The Feelings Beneath the Features
We product development professionals tend to view ourselves as rational, data-driven individuals—architects of the future, armed with customer research and wireframes. Beneath the post-it notes and Figma files, though, lies an undeniable layer of human experience: feelings — seemingly inconvenient emotions — bubble beneath the surface of our every interaction.
It's easy to dismiss or downplay our emotions in the name of progress. After all, what's a bit of frustration with somebody compared to orchestrating the launch of a groundbreaking product? But here’s the rub: our unspoken feelings won’t just dissipate. They can taint every future conversation with unresolved tension. They can spoil our evenings and weekends outside work, too!
When we habitually ignore our emotions and stick to surface-level discussions about deadlines and deliverables, we’re missing the chance to address and resolve real issues in ways that can bring us closer together and make our teamwork more effective. Too often in response to conflict, we end up building walls around us: invisible barriers that only perpetuate resentment, misunderstanding, and disengagement.
Opening Up New Possibilities
So, how do we break down these walls, or better yet, prevent building them in the first place? As per my post on stories we tell ourselves, it starts with acknowledging that everyone—yes, even the most stoic of stoics—is telling themselves a story that leverages their habitual responses to conflict. Certainly, I have noticed certain responses in myself, such as a tendency to avoid confrontation altogether or to use sarcasm as a shield.
The first step in changing the conversation is recognizing that these habits exist within us, creating the space for self-awareness. In this way, we can challenge our default response and open the possibility to make a different choice.
The second step is being vulnerable enough to steer the conversation towards directly addressing the conflict and roots of conflict.
An example
Once I was in a heated debate over the redesign of our product’s navigation structure: how to place elements including administrative links, the application’s search field, and a long list of the user’s various workspaces. The tension was palpable, and it was clear that no one was really listening—they were just waiting for their turn to speak.
In this moment, the key to resolving the conflict was to slow down and recognize the emotional undercurrents. What was at stake? Was it really the order of these elements in the top nav — or was it my colleagues’ deeper fears of not being heard, or even worse, not being valued?
So, I stopped the conversation and acknowledged the strong feelings in the air. Then I suggested that we were debating something more fundamental, since each of them had an emotional stake in these navigational elements. The administrative links represented a crucial function to the customer support stakeholder; the search field represented a technical innovation opportunity for the lead developer; and those workspace links had been originally designed by the company’s founder (who was a powerful voice in the meeting).
Almost immediately, the group visibly relaxed. They felt heard, since I clearly understood where each of them was coming from. As the tension level dropped, I restated everybody’s concerns in a more even-handed way. I reassured the customer support person that the admin links were going to be made more visible. I assured the lead developer that the planned effort to improve the search field would be feasible, no matter where it was located on screen. And, I gently pointed out to the founder that because the product was so much more successful today than when it was originally launched, our customers’ workspaces had drastically multiplied in number — so while his original design had been solid, data showed that we needed to take a different approach today.
I’m not going to pretend doing this was easy. We’re creatures of habit, and we've been conditioned to respond to conflict in certain ways—often ways that are less about resolution and more about self-preservation. It's the classic “fight, flight, fawn or freeze” understanding of conflict. In the workplace, this often manifests as argue, avoid, cave—or send a passive-aggressive email.
Pause and assess
Changing our habitual responses requires conscious effort. We must recognize that our gut reactions such as making a snarky comment or ignoring the tension in the air aren’t just unhelpful, they’re counterproductive. Instead, try to hit pause and ask yourself: "What am I feeling right now, and why?" And even more importantly, "What feelings are the people around me expressing right now, and why?"
By reprogramming our responses to conflict—by moving from instinctual reactions to thoughtful interactions—we can start to see conflict not as an obstacle but as an opportunity. Accept the fact that we all experience emotions. Then, by having the courage to be vulnerable and acknowledging those emotions, we create powerful opportunities to clarify misunderstandings, align on shared goals, and build a stronger team dynamic.
The Honest Path Forward
So, the next time you find yourself in a heated discussion over the elements of a product feature or how to prioritize that backend refactoring, take a breath. Consider what’s at stake, both for yourself and the people around you. And then, with a bit of courage and more than a dash of vulnerability, open up an honest conversation. The very conflict you were dreading may be the door through which you welcome a breakthrough idea.
In the tapestry of product development, conflicts are threads that give the fabric its marbled texture. They challenge us, push us, and if we let them, bring out the best in us when we’re willing to engage with them honestly. By recognizing our habitual responses, embracing vulnerability, and committing to honest dialogue, we can transform workplace conflicts from walls and roadblocks into bridges and stepping stones.
Trust that within all the messiness of human emotions lies the potential for deeper connection, and true innovation. After all, the best products aren’t just the result of good ideas—they’re the result of meaningful, honest conversations.
Lizz at Devise is a publication exploring the space of design and product management through the lens of heart-centered values and teamwork. Greatly appreciate your reading! Lizz is writing a book about how to build great solutions, which always involves working closely with other people. Her firm Devise Consulting is available to augment or uplevel your team with services including UX research and design, product strategy, and product management. Let’s get a conversation started!